Progressive Worship Thinking

retirement.

2007-04-10T08:27:00.001-07:00

ok. i am retiring the blogspot.

new url:

www.misterlib.com

enjoy.

--k.lib

it's been forever.

2006-10-31T12:56:00.000-08:00

just to keep you posted.

http://www.libtechstudios.com/

it's on it's way.

Sabbath.

2006-09-06T17:26:00.000-07:00

In response to finishing that book, this poured out today.

Sabbath

What have we held on to?
That which didn't last.
We saw it all with texture.
We couldn't let it slip.
And most of all we gripped.
Flushed cheeks, and white knuckles:
Courtesy of yesterdays gone awry.
All we did was let it slip.
And worst of all it gripped.
Of all the things
That were on our side,
We never had the time.
We held it on our countenance.
We felt it pass
In waning tides,
And this is all we have to show:
Time (that which didn't last).

The Rest of God.

2006-09-03T17:24:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading this book, The Rest of God by Mark Buchanan. It reads well, and there are two things that I have taken from this that are huge to me. One being the obvious, we need Sabbath, and it kills us to neglect it, but the other, how to listen in silence.

The most compelling thing about Sabbath to me is that it does not seek us out the way sleep does. If we don't sleep for long enough, no matter how hard we strive to avoid it, eventually, sleep finds us. However, if we avoid Sabbath, Sabbath avoids us. It is a gift. If it is ever about legality, it is dead, but it is haunting to see how this value is nowhere in my life and the lives of those that I do life with, those that are close to me. And there is no chance of it finding us without us seeking it out. There are some conversations that need to happen, begining with me and my wife, our family, how we will obey this command, accept this gift. I heard Donald miller and Rob Bell talking about Sabbath on two seperate podcast interviews, and I think it is something that is going to define this upcoming season in the Church in America.

It's interesting how we preach 'Devotions' or 'Quiet Time,' and the legality of it shines through on most Christians I know so much more than it ever feels like a gift. There was no command regarding this because everyone didn't have an NIV, ASV, the Message and Message Remix lining their shelves when they were camped at Mount Sinai. I see how this resurgence of accepting Sabbath as a gift long forgotten may replace some of the 'Do your devotions, dang it' banter that has plagued me my whole life.

The listening thing. Mark goes through some of the things that God says in the Bible, so that we can look for things that He might say to us when we listen. He talks about how praying should begin with listening. And after God created everything, the first 3 phrases out of his mouth are "Where are you?" "Who told you that you are naked?" "Did you eat from the tree I commanded you not to eat from?"

All questions.

God knows all, but asks us anyway. The only conclusion I can draw is that it's for our sake, not his. It's reflection. It's God directing us what to think upon. He lists some more:

"Where is your brother?" "Where are the other nine?" "Why do you call me good?" "Why do you call me 'Lord' and not do the things I say?" "Who do you say I am?" "What is it you want me to do for you?"

His next suggestion is to choose one.

Then, ponder it until you hear God asking you the question personally. And then ponder it until you can give an answer.

I don't know about you, but this fills me with life, knowing that I can take what God has asked, and listen to it, and run it over, and wrap my mind around it, and sputter out an answer, and let Him refine me.

I hope this starts showing up in the way people worship. I say hope, because to me, right now, that's what I feel for the future of my self, my family, my life, the Church. Hope.

the hour i first believed

2006-07-21T23:34:00.000-07:00

i don't remember it. i look back, and i can't see it. i can't feel it. i can't even pick the time or the place or the age. i remember the cross. i remember jesus being here. i just can't remember the hour i first believed. has it been too long? did it only have half of the impact that it should? did i forget it? do i supress it? how real was it? i don't know. but it's real right now.

i found myself outside camp chapel tonight, too distracted by the flashy lights to stay in the building. as the band played "God of Wonders" i was drawn out. creation calls. espescially when you're in the redwoods. my neck hurts still as i write this from arching back to see the ends of the trees. i know they are the tops, but i can't see them, and they remind me of how He is endless. it hurts still, my neck. but i couldn't find the ends. and situated in the center stood redemption. the soft twilight floated through the trees to iluminate those boards, cut and nailed together; a cross. the cross. the cross that brings me back to the hour i first believed, but i can't see it.

and the redwoods torture my neck. they stretch upward with all the might they've been given. i don't know if each tree decides where new branches will grow, but they're everywhere. every side of the tree gets as many branches as it can hold. and the farthest i can see is the grey sky. through the trees. through the branches. through the needles on each branch i see grey sky. the black and grey silhouettes surround this cross. and it's beautiful. so beautiful it hurts. it hurts so bad to be right there, reminded of the hour i first believed, wondering when it was that it slipped out from my brain.

this body made of dirt that i thought so perfect for holding gigs and gigs of memories fails me. it's not who i am, but it's all i have to work with. but still, i look but i can't see it. i remember jesus being here. here. right here. but not right here too. here is one of the most temporary words. it changes with movement, and it's not everlasting. it can't be. that's why jesus is here, but he's not here too. i know because i've been not here and he's been there too. and i've been here, staring at the black and grey surrounding the cross, and he's here too.

i wonder if this is still the first hour. i can't begin to explain with words the beauty that those branches placed against the northern California coast glowing twilight. it's so penetrating that it hurts and uplifts and it's got a sort of a kick, and i wonder why i've never seen it before. it's right there, just beyond the cross. it isn't as if the cross was gone, but it was here, and it wasn't here too. i need it. i've needed it always. i've found it and it has carried me too here. whatever here means.

i don't think i've looked past the cross. it has never been brought to my attention before tonight. i remember clinging to the cross. i remember it. i do. but i don't remember looking past it and seeing the beauty. the beauty that is so deep it hurts and uplifts and kicks. maybe i've been here. in this place. this place that lights up the cross with penetrating sincerity. maybe i've been here too long. maybe it's been exactly as long as i've needed to be here. i'm not sure right now, but i can see past it. and it's beautiful.

i understand this and i believe this is true. i have been forgiven because Jesus died on a cross. because i have recognized my imperfections and have confessed them, i have been forgiven. and because of that, i can move on. the cross is here for me. the cross is here and it is not here too. the cross has my back, and i can move forward with the confidence that jesus moves me. his cross has my back, and his cross is in front of me, and i look past it toward the beauty and see a God that loves me in ways that i can't experience in this body that's made of dirt, but that doesn't change His love. it's still revealed in black and grey silhouettes that stand just past the cross of my redemption.

i don't remember the hour i first believed, but i am here and Jesus' cross has my back and it stands before me at the same time so that i can see the beauty that fills me, not my body made of dirt, but me, with hope and love. if this is what it is too believe, then maybe this is it. the hour i first believed.

i hate escapism:i just want to be whole.

2006-07-04T00:35:00.000-07:00

reese roper has given me words where i thought there weren't any, and i thank him for that. i'm not much of an artist, but this is what i've got.

day too.

2006-06-29T12:32:00.000-07:00

it was hotter today than i was ready for, but we got to go to the beach tonight, so it more than made up for it. Marcos Witt talked this morning about leading worship, and the balance between the lion, the calf, the man, and the eagle from Revelation, and it was good.

breakout session one: i learned more than i could write down on differing tones for guitars, which was sweet. the guy worked on the original line6 pod, and now works at taylor guitars. he demoed the taylor T5, and i want need one. it's a true electric acoustic, so you can play it as an acoustic, or as an electric, but the coolest was when he did both at the same time, going through two different amps, one guitar. it was amazing. bob taylor, the founder of taylor guitars showed up, and this girl ran out to get her guitar to have him sign, and i was like, pssssh. i didn't win an ipod, but i'm pretty sure that i'm on at least a dozen new email lists from trying to win one at almost every exhibitor's booth.

the final breakout session that i went to was on songwriting, and these two guys that go to saddleback and produce/write music for the likes of Disney talked a lot about polar opposites in songs and building tension to increase interest, memorability, etc. it was solid, and out of everyone i've heard thus far, they seem to have the coolest job.

yesterday i heard some guys from the pd church planting talk about launching large, and some of the concepts will play out in the daybreak stuff, but the one thing that has been rather odd is the huge lack of postmodern material being presented and/or experienced in the main sessions. rhonda did check out an elemental synergy session that sounded pretty solid, it's just sort of lacking on the saddleback campus.

we didn't stick around for the gospel night, but we did run in the waves for a little bit. first though we stood around in the exhibitors tent where lincoln brewster was hanging out, wondering what we could talk to him about, but all we could come up with is, "so you're like famous now right?" but we never asked because we couldn't think of a follow-up question. i think he is sponsered by boss guitar gear now. weird. anyway, peace be with you, and also with you.

saddleback: christian disneyland (day1)

2006-06-28T10:41:00.000-07:00

i have a ton to say, good, bad, and diet (see picture at the end of post).

so we're here at the Purpose Driven Worship Conference. chris tomlin will be here friday, along with louie giglio, and i can't wait to hear both of them again. this is my first time to saddleback, and my wife and i have decided that it is muy sweet, and you can tell that a lot of it is fake, but it's still really sweet. like disneyland. not so sure exactly how i feel about the whole, "i'm in so-cal so it's in to be fake" feeling, but i'll try to pin down my feelings by this weekend. maybe i'll get to talk to more people tomorrow and that will make everything a little less touristy. i did talk to one kid with an underoath shirt on, but he was apalled once he heard that i had yet to purchase define the great line. also, maybe it was just my feeling, but i thought that with that many worship leaders in one room, there would be a lot less clapping for every song as if we're here to hear the rick muchow band.

sidenote: after the final worship session tonight, i'm lining up at my urinal, and rick muchow steps up next to me and says, "aah, blessed relief." so i asked him if he wanted to race. he told me that i'd probably win, and that was the end of the conversation. but if it's anyone's business, i did win, and i had a button fly. booyah.

more tomorrow.

dreamers

2006-06-09T12:31:00.000-07:00

I read this article and wonder what kind of responses we would get as a church, but I am also challenged with an old question that Louie Locke always asked:

If money were not an object, what would we do as a church?

This seems to always be the question that I come back to, but after meeting today with someone of great insight, I have come to realize that I dream too small and way too boxed in. I set up walls for myself when looking at my own ministries, not in terms of monetary barriers, but other walls that I didn't even see being put up. Walls that can be torn down.

Not enough manpower.
Not enough time.
Too many possibilities (no focus).
Not enough maturity.
Not enough willpower.

I guess the better question would be to ask:

If God can really do anything, what would we do as a church?

This has implications of being entirely out of my control, so it freaks me out and excites the heck out of me. I hope that my dreams of what the church could be will not be held back by preconceived notions. But beyond that, I want to keep dreaming so that the church's paradigm embraces the limitlessness of God.

Why blame the dark for being dark? It is far more helpful to ask why the light isn't as bright as it could be. --Rob Bell

Church: all day, and all of the night.

2006-05-25T09:28:00.000-07:00

I read on article over on churchmarketingsucks.com, and as much as this wouldn't work in Oroville as a 24/7 thing, I think it may as an open-later-than-6 type thing. One of the most frustrating things that I've found at my newly acquired ripe old age of 23, is that moving from Reno, where all 24 hour establishments are questionable at best, to Oroville leaves a void in the places to be in the evening.

One definite cultural difference between the two cities is the lack of the 'university' kids, meaning indie music appreciating, coffee snobs, hummus on everything, art buffs, that drive a hybrid because anything exhaust-y is choking out mother nature, bro. There aren't actually too many in Reno that fit this description, but the point I want to make is that church is still a big deal here, where it isn't so much in Reno. People will go back, especially after having kids, because they went when they were younger. The church isn't as scary to most 20somethings because there is history there. Already though, the postmodern is being removed from it as a kid.

Example: Coming from a 20something girl at my wife's salon, "Wait, what are you talking about, what's a service?" Case and point.

Where do they go when they are seeking? Seeker sensitive mega-church or personable lounge, playing non-condeming music, and getting to talk to an inviting believer rather than talked at by someone who signed up to be inviting. I don't want to get too touchy-feely, but I know I'm not making Paul Proctor's list of acceptable people right now.

Anyway, interesting article, and I think more effort could be put into the foyer environment, (thanks Andy for that) to create comfortable conncetions to Christ followers.

a prayer: it's not written to you, but this is where i am today.

2006-05-21T17:40:00.000-07:00

currently listening: Facedown by Matt Redman

I'm doing this homework for this Bible study and it asks this question, and it's sort of unfair to just drop this on here without all the buildup because it's the last study in the series, and has been set up well, but here goes:

What can I do during my lifetime that would contribute most significantly to the cause of Christ?

the only answer I can come up with is this:

Stop living my life.

The question itself breeds a feeling of movement and need for action. The first word that comes to my mind is stop. stop living. no. not at all. but,

stop living my life
my dreams
my hopes
my career
my agenda
my to-do list
my anything

As I am moving into a time of pretty heavy recruitment and relaying this huge piece of my heart that God has spoken into, I want to make absolute sure that what I am living is not my heart, but God's heart, not my dream, but God's dream, and not my life, but God's life. It's a beautiful thing being done here that I would be able to take hold of something so huge that is really going to happen with or without me and end up in the center of God's glory, face down.

Lord, I stand on Your merciful ground
Yet with every step tread with reverence

Don't let me forget.

'and then God showed up.'

2006-05-18T09:40:00.000-07:00

currently reading: Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell

A million times. It must be at least that many.

I've heard that God showed up. And it's been good. Every time I've heard it, it's meant that it was good. But it's misleading, and I'm feeling like we've missed it with every passing 'God showed up and it was so good' comment.

Every Sunday is when I get motivated to do more work on DayBreak, and the need seems more prevalent, and to some it might seem that the reason we would work toward a different approach is because we don't feel like God is showing up, and I want to squash that bug. In no way do I feel that God is not showing up.

God is always present.

Eventually, we're going to show up.

I don't mean bodies in seats, I mean hearts in surrender.

How's it going to be? I don't know, but I think that God will finally get stoked on us when we decide to show up and serve him, rather than be served by a church.

DayBreak

2006-04-04T10:11:00.000-07:00

one idea for a name in lieu of EPIC, and where it came from.

Isaiah 58

6 "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?

7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.

involving the uninvolved

2006-03-30T10:45:00.000-08:00

i think that i have come to understand the answer to the question:

Q: how do we involve the uninvolved?

A: we get the disinterested interested.

Q: how do we get the disinterested interested?

A: ________________________

I can't put it into words, but I know it has something to do with passion, relating that passion to others, sparking passion in them. It tugs at my heart strings. I breathe deep and don't know how to proceed, but when I know, I will post it here. Shortly. Hopefully.

The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. --Winston Churchill

economics 101 (micro? macro? both?)

2006-01-31T09:22:00.000-08:00

after a long morning hearing others discuss the importance of embracing our mission to live out Kingdom life right here and right now, I'm reminded of my dear friend Jon Foreman. right. maybe not dear friend, but I like his music.

The Economy of Mercy by Switchfoot

There’s just two ways to lose yourself in this life
And neither way is safe
In my dreams I see visions of the future
But today we have today
And where will I find You?

In the economy of mercy
I am poor and begging man
In the currency of grace
Is where my songs begins
In the colors of Your goodness
In the scars that mark Your skin
In the currency of grace
Is where my song begins

These carbon shells
These fragile dusty frames
House canvases of souls
We are bruised and broken masterpieces
But we did not paint ourselves
And where will I find You?

Where was I when the world was made?
Where was I?

I’m lost without You here
Yes, I’m lost without You near me
I’m lost without You here
You knew my name when the world was made

Who will I impact with my understanding of mercy and grace as it is lived out through me to the unlovable that I have been entrusted with? It hurts to think that my apathy fuels their misconceptions of Jesus. I am challenged more today than yesterday to live a life of praise that is evidenced by the futhering of the Kingdom. We are bruised and broken masterpieces but we did not paint ourselves. Recognizing this in our lives is one thing, but in others is another. How long does it take for it to become a habit?

Valuing others' lives with the same intensity and validity that Jesus does is a challenge to say the least, but necessary in the Kingdom, in the economy of mercy.

He said love endures all things, and it hurts to think He's right.
If I mark the span of failure, is His burden just as light?
I am Spartan; close my heart so tight.
Jesus, save me, from myself tonight. --Reese Roper

YHVH - ineffable

2006-01-09T12:13:00.000-08:00

i cannot find an utterance great enough for the simplicity of what God's heart is for.

everyone; not enough.

everything; not enough.

absolutely everything; not enough.

absolutely positively every single thing, even the dirtiest of the dirty; not enough.

but...

all of You
is more than enough for all of me
for every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
and all I have in You is more than enough

most of the time, in my struggle to find words that articulate some attribute that I can pin on God, I find that nothing works, and my acceptance of his love for me is more than I can handle, and I, being the humble lyricist that I strive to be, can't hold a match to Him, so just soak up the goodness that Chris Tomlin wrote in Enough, and accept the fact that ineffable will always be the case.

it's not alone fleeing these walls

2005-12-24T11:18:00.000-08:00

I recently registered my car in California. It's weird. It's really weird. Every time I look at my car, this is what I see. Nevada plates are gone. What am I to do? How am I to proceed? It makes me think of this:

2nd Corinthians 5:17-20

Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other. God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins. God has given us the task of telling everyone what he is doing. We're Christ's representatives. God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God's work of making things right between them. We're speaking for Christ himself now: Become friends with God; he's already a friend with you.

How long am I going to be uncomfortable with seeing a white liscense plate. No more silver state. No more 'Home means the sage and the pine.' Sometimes it's the same with myself as a new creation. I don't have to buy into American culture because I have been made new, but I look at it with a certain awkwardness that keeps me from embracing it. I worry about what other Christians that are a little awkward themselves might think. When am I going to ditch this old liscense plate. This identity that is so comfortable. When people see me, are they saying to themselves, "Oh, that's Kurt Libby, that's different, he's not the same." Truth be told, there is a level of shedding the past that has occured, but I envision my life to be so thickly saturated with Christ that people don't say "he's not the same" but rather "Christ lives in people, and here is proof."

This paint has been tasting of lead/And the chips will fall as they may/But it's not just my finish that's peeling/And it's not alone fleeing these walls/
This turpentine chaser's got kick/And the rag that it's soaked in is rich/The fumes aid the pace of my cleaning/And as soon as I'm done I am gone/
The frightening facts/we've been facing our backs to/for so long now/are begging for eyes/to bear witness to lies/And indifference

from Dashboard Confessional's Turpentine Chaser

indescribable

2005-11-09T09:03:00.000-08:00

Some friends of mine gave us some free tix to last night's Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman, Louie Giglio deal @ Bayside in Rocklin. I've got a world of things to say and the words will barely form in my mind. Louie took the awesomeness of God and simplified it as much as he magnified it. He took the smallness of us and simplified it as much as he clarified it.

note to self: if Louie is within 200 miles, go see him speak.

Matt and Chris are both amazing in their own right. They don't take for granted the fact that the room is filled with 2000 people that paid good money to get their worship on. They still step out in what God has tailored for their lives and lead God's people into worship. Aside from the huge widescreen media presentation, amazing light show, impeccable sound quality, and talent upon talent, upon talent, they managed to step back and magnify Jesus. The set ended with Chris solo on the piano, How Great is Our God followed by How Great Thou Art, in a capella goodness, and an empty stage, 2000 of God's people sang out in humble adoration.

We must not forget the need for the lead worshiper to be so much more than a musician. One of the greatest, David, a man after God's own heart, led people to worship in a way that they had never worshipped before. Sometimes we think that if people show up on a Sunday morning, then they are there because they want to be, but the truth is that many are there because they are used to it; it's comfortable. What is it going to take to create a place where a whole host of people show up because they want to be there? What would the church turn into if freedom in God was not only embraced but lived out? Something beyond boredom, time frames, services that the church offers, and ourselves. Something approaching edification, extrication, liberation, adoration, and exclamation of a joy that surpasses our understanding as specks of dust in a light beam when compared to the indescribable nature of the God that wraps himself with light that he created by speaking it into existence.

challenging the unchallenged

2005-11-07T09:29:00.000-08:00

it's frustrating to witness complacency. it's horrifying to sit through a sermon that challenges the church to actually be the church (get off their butts and fight for the salvation of the people in the community that don't know Christ instead of retreating into a sanctuary every weekend for some feel good songs and sermons on God's blessings for our selfish* lives) and end the service with an apathetic round of The Battle Belongs to the Lord. as i pound the bass in the goodness of Em, i notice the bored looks. sure there are ten, maybe fifteen engaged worshippers out of 150 to 200 people. i heard that others on the stage thought it went well. i have to ask this one question.

when do we get desperate enough as lead worshipers to recognize that people are not being led into a place where they are connected, challenged, changed, and set free?

now, introspection:

are they too comfortable with not being challenged, or are we as lead worshipers, rather am i too much of a coward to push them out of their comfort zones, settling for less than all that God has? i am under the authority of a lead lead worshiper, so who am i to say anything? maybe i should, maybe not. oh the wonder-ings of it all.

i digress.

*subtle sarcasm

understanding why square pegs need square holes

2005-10-27T09:10:00.000-07:00

working in a school has allowed me to taste the hopelessness that grips high school students. it kills. i heard yesterday that pain isn't a gunslinger. it doesn't come to kill, but to torture you every morning and every evening. these lyrics courtesy of brand new model the pervasive hopelessness in a pseudo-free verse poetic sort of way.

We sent out the SOS call. It was a quarter past four in the morning when the storm broke our second anchor line. Four months at sea, four months of calm seas only to be pounded in the shallows off the tip of Montauk Point. They call them rogues, they travel fast and alone. On hundred foot faces of God's good ocean gone wrong. What they call love is a risk, cause you will always get hit out of nowhere by some wave and end up on your own. The hole in the hull defied the crews attempts to bail us out. And flooded the engines and radio and half buried bow. Your tongue is a rudder. It steers the whole ship. Sends your words past your lips or keeps them safe behind your teeth. But the wrong words will strand you. Come off course while you sleep. Sweep your boat out to sea or dashed to bits on the reef. The vessel groans the ocean pressures its frame. Off the port I see the lighthouse through the sleet and rain. And I wish for one more day to give my love and repay debts. But the morning finds our bodies washed up thirty miles west. They say that the captain stays fast with the ship through still and storm. But this ain't the Dakota, and the water is cold. We won't have to fight for long. This is the end. This story's old but it goes on and on until we disappear. Calm me and let me taste the salt you breathed while you were underneath. I am the one who haunts your dreams of mountains sunk below the sea. I spoke the words but never gave a thought to what they all could mean. I know that this is what you want. A funeral keeps both of us apart. You know that you are not alone. Need you like water in my lungs. This is the end.

If only hope was held out in a way that they understood it, maybe the bodies wouldn't wash up 30 miles west. Maybe the lighthouse can do it's job. The people running it would have to stop pointing their fingers, criticizing the ship for being stupid, unorthodox, disrespectful, poorly dressed and hopeless. Then maybe the ship would see the lighthouse and actually understand that hope exists rather then condemnation. Maybe they would get the chance to give their love and repay debts.

I apologize if I'm being too metaphoric here. Sometimes truly speaking our minds gets intimidating, even in the callous cold of cyberspace. If you would like any clarification, please email me.

hook, line and sinker

2005-10-18T15:03:00.000-07:00

An amazing songwriter, performer, and all around God's man, has blown me away with a new song. Switchfoot's new The Shadow Proves the Sunshine invigorates me in a lifestyle worship sort of way. Let me kick some lyrics:

Sunshine, won't you be my mother
Sunshine, come and help me sing
My heart is darker than these oceans
My heart is frozen underneath

We are crooked souls trying to stay up straight,
Dry eyes in the pouring rain well
The shadow proves the sunshine
The shadow proves the sunshine

To scared little runaways
Hold fast to the break of day light where
The shadow proves the sunshine

Oh Lord, why did you forsake me?
Oh Lord, don't be far away away
Storm clouds gathering beside me
Please Lord, don't look the other way

Crooked souls trying to stay up straight
Dry eyes in the pouring rain well
The shadow proves the sunshine
The shadow proves the sunshine

To scared little runaways
Hold fast to the break of day light where
The shadow proves the sunshine
The shadow proves the sunshine

Yeah Yeah, shine on me
Yeah Yeah, shine on me
Yeah Yeah, shine on me
Yeah Yeah, shine on me
Shine on me

I read a snippet where Jon Foreman talks about screaming the words into a piano to get the strings to resonate on this track. The whole song reminds me of the hope we have in the most forgetable times. I think we often forget about how each person is in a different season in their life as we come together for corporate worship, but we are challenged to lead them into a place of thanks, praise, awe, wonder, amazement, etc. Leading those in the shadows, holding close to the break of daylight. It's brilliant. It's so many emotions inside trying to come out. This will be a worship song in my heart. Besides, I really like proofs, and proving sunshine just connects in this heart.

vulnerability vs credibility

2005-10-13T14:32:00.000-07:00

Why is Christian culture so irritably pervasive that the effects have rendered me terrified of vulnerability? I heard a good word during practice Tuesday night about how vulnerable Jesus was. Jesus took on the shame of the world, and bore it, not in private, but on death row, on a cross. He stretched out his arms and let the world see him. Vulnerable. It screams out from inside me. It's terrifying. It's terrifying to me to loose my credibility. American Christian culture has instilled in me the fight for my right to have a say in the church proceedings. I base this entirely upon the fact that I once was lost and now I was found. Now that I'm found, as good Christians say, I'm not perfect, nobody's perfect. But I am far from vulnerable, and I know that being less vulnerable, confessing sins to others would give me more freedom from shame, but it's terrifying. How does this connect with worship. I think it is the root of why I worship. I'm vulnerable with God, and he doesn't turn His face, but rather, he lifts mine. If only relationships in the church could have such virtuous reconciliation and acceptance of the sins that shame us and we hide due to a never ending quest to be credible. It's so terrifying it hurts. bad.

breathless

2005-09-27T22:42:00.000-07:00

I've been caught up in trying to describe my desire to worship with fresh words that really describe how I feel, not what someone else is saying about how they feel. I think the personalization will generate a sincere heart in my attitude during worship. About a week and a half ago, these words came to me:

I hold my breath and wait for You to come unglued.

I've repeated these words to myself many times as I sing or read alone, and I even wrote them out tonight before worship practice. God really showed me today that this statement goes both ways. I capitalized the You because I have been saying it to God, but he has been saying it back to me. He just wants me to come unglued when I worship Him. It's great to remeber the anticipation he feels about us, and how this life isn't as one sided as we always make it out to be.

don't force anything

2005-09-23T09:02:00.000-07:00

I am becoming a firm believer that forcing things creates too much stress and tension. I also truly believe that God puts me in entirely uncomfortable situations that may feel like too much stress and tension, but I am realizing how much I associate tension with 'bad' stuff in my life. If there is tension, I feel like I must have been forcing something, but that's not true. In the moment that God wants me to move, my indecisive nature, for so long, has bent but not broken. I loved the lyrics in Dashboard Confessional's Bend and Not Break:

Try to understand there's an old mistake
that fools will make and,
I'm the king of them
pushing everything that's good away so,
Won't you hold me now? (I will not bend, I will not break)
Won't you hold me now? (I will not bend, I will not break)

I agree with this chorus, except the I will not break part. I do break, and that's when the real stuff happens. I almost threw up the other day in my indecisiveness, but I broke and God did what He wanted to do. I'll leave this post with these words. I wrote this song a couple weeks ago. It's honest, broken, mended and restored.

before i recognized You
i felt wholly unknown
shattered and ignored
indescribably alone

i cry out by day
and am not silent by night
i crave Your still small voice
and the warmth of your light

don't be so far from me

i need Your embrace
unbelievable grace
not so far, not so far away

i have Your embrace
unvelievable grace
You're not so far, not so far away

dingnity: over rated.

2005-09-06T22:57:00.000-07:00

i am torn. am i afraid? disobedient? flawed?

tonight i worked through a worship prcatice that gave me a headache. i have recently learned the david crowder band intro to All Creatures, and i wasn't allowed to play it. it's a long story, but what it came down to was this mindset that i need to sit down and play more guitar. i know, in retrospect it's almost ridiculous, but i really felt like if i wanted to play with the talented musicians, then i need to practice more. get more talented, kurt.

then, later, we were struggling through You Are My King, which we shouldn't be, that song is cake. Long story short, we don't practice it, we just play and attempt to focus. we never sang the You are My King part. I love that part. So much inside of me wanted to spin and shout and dance and declare that You are My King, but i wasn't allowed. i didn't allow myself. and that was when i found myself being afraid, disobedient, and flawed. i sing things like I'll become even more undignified than this, but in that moment i realized how dignified every single thing is that happens on that stage. dignity gives me nothing but piousness.

God showed up and revealed to me his desire, not for my talent, but for my heart. dignity is over rated, but so is talent. yes, play skillfully unto the Lord, but skill is a load of crap if we can't be free enough in Christ to worship in spirit and truth, as undignified as we might end up being.

will the sun come out tomorrow?

2005-09-04T18:23:00.000-07:00

Out of James 4 NIV

13Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." 14Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." 16As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. 17Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.

i am empty in hoping that tomorrow will bring a great or valiant experience in which God rearranges who I am. i witnessed one of the hardest steps it is to take as a lead worshipper in a strictly scheduled service. two extra unrehearsed songs while asking the pastor for a few more minutes in response to a great move of the Holy Spirit.

if we decide to gather, which every sunday is a decision to gather, but in general, if we decide to gather to seek God, my prayer is that we won't leave until God shows up. i never want to walk out of a service wondering if God showed up. i want to be knocked on my back because the thickness of God's Spirit makes me weak in my humility.

from this point on, i desire to worship in a way that i have never worshiped before. always.

freedom in being sans famous

2005-08-09T08:17:00.000-07:00

My whole life, meaning since my sophomore year of high school for sure, I have craved fame. I have been fueled by wanting to be known. After reading Chris Tomlin's book, The Way I Was Made, I have been challenged and convicted of this, but more so, I have been given a new drive, and that is to ensure the fame of Jesus Christ. The one and only reason to live. He is cooler and more worthy of fame than I can ever be, and it is becoming my quest, to make Him famous.

You are the Lord, the famous one, famous one. Great is your name in all the earth.
The heavens declare, you're glorious, glorious. Great is your name in all the earth.

A friend of this guy that I don't know showed me this

2005-07-06T09:42:00.000-07:00

I was visiting this guy steve's blog @ knightopia.com. He works for Billy Graham, and he's got some interesting stuff to say, but a friend of his writes music, and I found this on his blog.

"We can't live in the past. We have to write songs that raise the temperature of the room and find words for feelings you can't express. And then, as Quincy Jones says, you wait for God to walk through the door because in the end craft isn't enough."
U2's singer Bono quoted in the October 30, 2000 edition of USA Today

I, being a mere 22 and way too involved in ska and punk my whole life to have a clue who Quincy Jones is, I looked him up. He was a trumpet player in the 50s and has since worked with Miles Davis, Frank Sinatra, Little Richard and Michael Jackson. If a composer with that kind of resume can understand that in the end, craft isn't enough, when are we going to stop practicing our instruments and refuse to move until God shows up.

sunday night manifesto

2005-06-23T10:21:00.000-07:00

Before I go on, I must get this much out. I've had this scribbled on paper for a few months now, but it needs to be declared.

The power of prayer, devotion and worship was revealed to me at the age of 15. A time was set aside for us to participate in these activities,prefaced solely by the words, "Let's seek God." Since then, I have yet to find a community where such intimacy was developed in a group setting. God has instilled in me a desire for these words to be said, and all around the room, people fall face down and declare the sovereignty of God. They cast their cares on Him, they dig in the word with the mindset "I'm not stopping until You reveal Yourself." This desire has become a hunger.

I think a desire can be thought of, but a hunger is more basic instinct. Hunger is a desire for something that is essential. In light of this new season, this new life, this new church, this world away from where I've been, I want to run and I don't want to stop, and I don't want to look back. But the hunger isn't quenched. The energy is dying, the newness is growing old, and the hunger is turning to starvation.

I would like to start a gathering. A Sunday night rejuvenation that sits on the cusp of a turning point every week. The week fades at some point, late Sunday afternoon, and focus is suddenly projected on the next. At this point, one of two things happen. Worry and panic set in as the realization that nothing got done that should have gotten done to prepare for the next week. The other thing is not the opposite, where peace or excitement is welling up inside for the week to come, but rather an apathetic attitude that barely grazes the conscience grips us with the idea that "here we go again. One more week with no real significant attention needed." It is at this turning point that I would like to gather and experience the presence of God.

Imagine a candle lit room with music playing that hints at the idea that more is going on than meets the eye. An unplugged setting that allows for more contemplation and participation than receiving any sort of message. People are encouraged to dig in the Word, journal prayers and thoughts on God, sing along in worship, listen to lyrics that move, guide, flow, direct, and hit home, eat together at the Lord's table, and one lone mic sits in the back of the room. The walls around it are shrouded with black fabric. Every word that is spoken is scripture. No lesson is given besides the word of God. Then we take time to listen. Music and silence that reveal God and his love.

--For the time spent here, in community with others, we are alone with God, so let's seek Him until we find Him.

and then there were those that fought the foo

2005-06-23T08:25:00.000-07:00

The Foo Fighters released a song entitled "All My Life" off the album "One by One" on 10.22.2002. The final chorus and bridge go something like this:

All my life I've been searching for something.
Something never comes, never leads to nothing.
Nothing satisfies, but I'm getting close.
Closer to the prize at the end of the rope.
All night long I dream of the day.
When it comes around then it's taken away.
Leaves me with the feeling that I feel the most.
The feeling comes to life when I see your ghost.
And I'm done, done and I'm on to the next one.
Done, done, on to the next one.
Done, I'm done and I'm on to the next.

I come back to this song from time to time, blaring it in my headphones, and escaping. I begin to feel like worship is a struggle. I start searching for something. And it's in this moment that something never comes, never satisfies, but it's all around me. So close but so far away. I'm reminded of the presence of God, but don't go, and the worst part is that I know why. I feel the struggle because I am looking for an experience. If it doesn't work than I'm done, and on to the next, but I should be smarter about this because I recognize the why. My heart is seeking for a holy experience rather than seeking He who is holy. When I get to this point that I can tell I'm searching for something that doesn't come, it's like I've seen the mark, aimed, hit the target, but the arrow missed because I was aiming at the wrong target.

I don't need to fix my aim, so much as move the target. Self, stop worshiping experience.

lyrics for the post christian

2005-06-17T11:56:00.000-07:00

I have yet to come across a good resource for this, and I am thinking I will end up putting my own materials together, but I have some thoughts on how words are used in worship.

Declaration of God's nature, our relationship to Him, and His relationship to us moves me in worship.

With that said, I don't want to attack this particular song, rather I would like to comment on the way that it doesn't connect with me. "Come, now is the time to worship. Come, now is the time to give your heart." I understand the value being met by these lyrics, but instead of singing about worshiping, why don't we worship? There is one phrase in particular which has baffled me since I was young. "Praise the Lord" I understand it, don't get me wrong, the baffling comes from soccer.

I used to play soccer when I was young. I even scored some goals. Never once did my father, who was also my pastor, say "Praise Kurt." When he wanted to praise me, he found words to say. I just feel like if we really love God in a way that we desire to praise Him, then we should praise him. "You are more beautiful than anything, ever." Instead of saying "I praise You and worship You," we should praise and worship Him.