don't force anything

I am becoming a firm believer that forcing things creates too much stress and tension. I also truly believe that God puts me in entirely uncomfortable situations that may feel like too much stress and tension, but I am realizing how much I associate tension with 'bad' stuff in my life. If there is tension, I feel like I must have been forcing something, but that's not true. In the moment that God wants me to move, my indecisive nature, for so long, has bent but not broken. I loved the lyrics in Dashboard Confessional's Bend and Not Break:

Try to understand there's an old mistake
that fools will make and,
I'm the king of them
pushing everything that's good away so,
Won't you hold me now? (I will not bend, I will not break)
Won't you hold me now? (I will not bend, I will not break)

I agree with this chorus, except the I will not break part. I do break, and that's when the real stuff happens. I almost threw up the other day in my indecisiveness, but I broke and God did what He wanted to do. I'll leave this post with these words. I wrote this song a couple weeks ago. It's honest, broken, mended and restored.

before i recognized You
i felt wholly unknown
shattered and ignored
indescribably alone

i cry out by day
and am not silent by night
i crave Your still small voice
and the warmth of your light

don't be so far from me

i need Your embrace
unbelievable grace
not so far, not so far away

i have Your embrace
unvelievable grace
You're not so far, not so far away