vulnerability vs credibility

Why is Christian culture so irritably pervasive that the effects have rendered me terrified of vulnerability? I heard a good word during practice Tuesday night about how vulnerable Jesus was. Jesus took on the shame of the world, and bore it, not in private, but on death row, on a cross. He stretched out his arms and let the world see him. Vulnerable. It screams out from inside me. It's terrifying. It's terrifying to me to loose my credibility. American Christian culture has instilled in me the fight for my right to have a say in the church proceedings. I base this entirely upon the fact that I once was lost and now I was found. Now that I'm found, as good Christians say, I'm not perfect, nobody's perfect. But I am far from vulnerable, and I know that being less vulnerable, confessing sins to others would give me more freedom from shame, but it's terrifying. How does this connect with worship. I think it is the root of why I worship. I'm vulnerable with God, and he doesn't turn His face, but rather, he lifts mine. If only relationships in the church could have such virtuous reconciliation and acceptance of the sins that shame us and we hide due to a never ending quest to be credible. It's so terrifying it hurts. bad.